Six Californias

July 15, 2014

Every few years someone wants to split some state, or reorganize the entire United States into clusters of city-state metropolitan areas, based on regional cultural influence or whatever nonsense. It’s dumb, and such a thing would be so much goddamn busywork to implement. Near every law and ordinance and every other bureaucratic drudgery would need to be redone. It would destroy endless amounts of established state infrastructure, from power and water rights, to freeways and education.

Now some idiot-fucker venture capitalist wants to reorganize California into six states on the basis of solving the state’s political problems, and his idiot-fucker bullshit will actually be a ballot measure in 2016. Somehow he convinced enough people that this was a good idea.

I know that some conservatives in California fantasize about splitting the state up. They want to bring more Republicans to the United States Senate and live in their own Republican California fiefdoms, free in the countryside from the tyranny of their evil city-folk neighbors. This particular push for a split, however, comes from a more libertarian and business-first angle.

Tim Draper, the man behind the measure, an idiot-fucker venture capitalist, wants to divide California on the basis of promoting business. He wants to do that, you see, because California, with all the rules and regulations its citizens have lobbied for and won, is too unfriendly to business; California, the state with more businesses than any other state, generating more revenue than any other state, a place people move their businesses to, is too unfriendly to business. There’s just too many regulations! How dare California service its citizens before their citizens’ businesses! Californians are only potential customers in this man’s libertarianism-diseased head. We’re not people, we’re not neighbors; we’re a herd to be shepherded by robber barons.

Supposedly splitting California up into six states will make the average person more politically powerful, Tim Draper says, but dividing California would do the opposite, creating a number of politically weak Californias, ripe for exploitation. California’s infrastructure will be divided and left underfunded in most of the new states. Central California, currently subsidized by the rest of California, would become absolutely destitute if broken off into its own state. Water rights issues, already fucked up because we’re in a huge drought and give 85% of our water to farmers who in turn demand that the cities use less water as Lake Mead and elsewhere see record low water levels year after year, will only worsen. The University of California and California State University school systems will be destroyed. All of this, and more, so businesses can extract just a little bit more profit from their surroundings, given legs and supported by conservatives who want to turn Eureka, Fresno, and San Diego into electoral red states.

Fuck that.

Luckily if this shit somehow goes through despite how unlikely and terrible it is, other states can, and hopefully will, smack it the fuck down.