I am CHKILROY from video games.

I am gay.
I am happy.
I am unusual.
I am eccentric.
I hide what I carry.
I wipe myself away.
I am socially anxious.
I obscure my interests.
I am judged incorrectly.
PC "he/she" was clunky.
Singular they is ancient.
I like to make people laugh.
I try to correct my understanding.
I like to give people what they want.
I did not know it was about me at first.
I am not sure if I have ever felt seen.
I have gotten sad looking back, so
I try to be happy looking forward.
I recognize my mind is bad.
I write lessons learned.
Some call it blogging.
I am a bad person.
I make bad videos.
I attract bad people.
Read Stirner to understand.
Self-deprecation is a negative habit.
People stopped chatting because I am bad.
I found everything about games media and groups offensive during Gamergate.
I liked all the bad games they hated.
I was somewhere on the list of hated people.
Correcting people makes them feel unwell, and then I feel unwell when they forget 🤙
We previously called it genderqueer 💅
It was a sort of punk thing 🏴
Being gay online made homo haters mad.
Roleplay servers were fun.
I did performing arts.
I enjoy contradiction ☯
I am also a breeder 🪺
I am not the only enby parent.
I am anarchist, but as I age, by following society's guidance 🧘 I realize I am now PMC/bourgeois 😦 I am too well read/leisured to be prole.
I can hire and fire home remodellers. I am a boss now. I suspended my red card. I do not vote for president.
I am a disappointment to many people.
For many people I am an odd memory 🐳
I will never be more than that rendition of myself.
Its reference is how everyone says hello.
I have only myself to blame.
I am a Coyote or some lesser animal.
Look at me the goofy cyclist.
I am offensive.
Look at me walking in Nebraska.
There were no sidewalks for me.
I was surprised how flourishing it was.
In this sick sad world I like to stay positive and remember everything I have been given.
You do not need to read my affirmations.
You do not need to read my diary.
I hope my notes provide value.
I have tried making terrains since OFP but failed. Arma 4 will likely be my last Arma until Arma 5. I hope to finish that bucketlist item.

I try to take words literally. I take agreements seriously. but most people speak figuratively. I am deeply touched by poetry and song. We cannot express ourselves. We are all bound by shifgrethor. We are unaided by zen koan memes.

Websites were my one of favorite abodes. What do I remember about gaming?
What did I enjoy about gaming?
Why am I gaming again?
Why did I stop gaming?
I have to answer all these questions. Everyone wants to know one or two. Everyone needs their confirmation. Everyone seeks their resolution. Does it matter where I was or went. Does it matter where I am going. There is only the eternal now.
Who cares about history.
The future is an idea.
Who needs calendars.
Who needs clocks.
Wake up to the sun and bird song. Sleep to the moon and transit sounds. Maybe past people care about present me. Maybe it is narcissistic to think that. There are places we cannot mention. There are things we cannot talk about. I should not lead people in those ways. People can look up things themselves. Do not be too helpful. Remove and hide a part of yourself. I used this username in Counter‑Strike, Half‑Life, Half‑Life 2, Counter‑Strike: Source, Garry's Mod, Battlefield 2, America's Army, Arma, XFire, Last.FM, YouTube, and various other places. I never reread what scrolls off screen. I treat text like voice which is a mistake. You might remember the old memes and video links but I like to delete old chats. Our private messages are public. I reflect the energy of those around me. I am the common denominator of my friends. My leftist memes are seen incorrectly by people who have not read erudite theory or need to find confirming flags to id FOF. I am renown for disappointment and hurt and I recognize I carry internalizations. After eternal 1993, now eternal 2014, pro‑2A on one side, anti‑2A on the other.

I have finished collecting boysenberries. What now remains is cutting off spent florescences and training primacanes to the trellis as next year's floricanes. Last night palora bloomed but it is not a self‑fertile variety and I did not have any matching pollen, so there will be no fruit. I need to replant my piñon.

My friends disliked my singing.
My family disliked my ——— —— singing.
It has been a few years since I was last called ——— at work #progress
Working nights helps with hiding.
Moon, spare me from the darkness.
Our language shapes our thinking. Do not research the etymology of bad.

We shape our tools and thereafter our tools shape us.

Marshall McLuhan

I have never read Marx's Capital, but I have the marks of capital all over my body.

Bill Haywood
Be zen, drive ten.